Rate: DNF / 1
Unfortunately, the jarring errors that filled this book prevented me from finishing it- I made it 40% through the book before I stopped- and are the reason behind my 1 rating. This story had so much potential, but did not rise to the standard. Unless the book is extremely reworked, I can’t see myself recommending it to anyone.
- The Hook: I thought this book was going to be so good because of the first two sentences. “It is insane to jump from a four story window, it could even be considered suicidal. I was neither, but I sat crouched low on the edge of my window ready to make the leap.” I really wanted the book to be as enticing as this hook.
- Spelling and Grammar: Spelling errors were few and far between, but none the less they occurred. I try not to get too upset when I see one or two spelling mistakes because human error occurs and mistakes can happen, but in the time of spell-check, these sort of issues shouldn’t be present. Grammar-wise, sentences were varying types of messed up: some were wordy, some were phrased awkwardly, some were run-ons, and some just contained errors. Here are some examples:
- “… so I jumped out Alice’s excitement getting to me and brightening my mood slightly.”
- “I asked barging into the chaotic kitchen, immediately being bombarded by a dozen people who desperately needed my attention or the world would end judging by their panic level.”
- “The boss has already has a claim on her since he is the one who made this possible.”
I don’t expect these type of errors from an actual author, from an inexperienced fanfiction author yes, but not an author. This book needs a good editing.
- Another Mistake: This doesn’t fall under spelling and grammar so I’m making another category. Halnsoy couldn’t keep the name of her protagonist straight. The main character is named Emily, but characters in the book go between calling her Emily and Emma, both of which she responds to. I would’ve understand if, strangely so, Emma was a nickname, but there’s no explanation of that so the only other option is that the author couldn’t keep the name straight. This mistake is both confusing and annoying.
- Voice and Point of View: Emily is a teenager, but at times she comes across as older, like if she’s in her late twenties or early thirties. Some people might say this just makes her sound mature, but she doesn’t sound mature, she sounds old. Additionally, the point of view of the story seemed off. At times, it was first person, but other times it seemed like it needed to be third person omniscient. The confusion with the POV sort of goes back to the voice and grammar of the story.
- The Build: Stories are supposed to contain, if I refer back to my 8th grade English class, rising action, a climax, and falling action. However, there is no logical order to the thoughts and actions of this story; ideas aren’t clearly developed. The actions of the story are sporadic and big reveals occur without any build-up. The order of events and Emily’s train of thought made this story annoying very quickly.
I’ll reiterate that this story has great potential, but ideas need to be flushed out and it needs to be edited first. It’s sad that the synopsis was so good, but how much of the story I read was so bad.